He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
