did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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