Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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