better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
