So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
