All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
