chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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