I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
