There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
