I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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