Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
