Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
