Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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