I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
