I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
