I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
