If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He called his prostate his "boner button".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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