If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
