Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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