When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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