I'm jealous of your bromance
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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