I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
