ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
