my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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