We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize