I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
