I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
