my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
