she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
