ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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