Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There's even glitter on my cock...
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