He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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