Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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