Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
