im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
