Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
