Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize