i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
