I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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