I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize