Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
