wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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