Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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