So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize