Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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