Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
