she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
