I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
