I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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