So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize