I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
