so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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