Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
