My room smells like vodka and shame
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
