ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
