there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
