i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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