Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize