kristin has been a bad kristin
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
