i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
