You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
