3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize