the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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