I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize