where am i from again
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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