One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
