i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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