i would punch a child for taco bell
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize