the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize