I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
