remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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