I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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