too bad you live with your parents still
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
